Driver Trying to Leave Rechnitz Hall Still Fucking Waiting for People to Stop Walking

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Senior commuter captures “literally fucking loosing it” as he waits for tour group to get move.

Monmouth University, Rechnitz Circle – Reports came in today of a commuter students allegedly trapped, waiting for students to cross from the path leading from Rechnitz to the Students center for nearly four hours.

Waiting to cross the campus roadway has become increasingly stressful in recent years as the sheer volume of students on campus has increased. Most likely due to to Basketball hype (NOT the Super Bowl Commercial), Monmouth students have poured in by the hundreds to experience life in our little beach safe-haven. The roadway is specifically build to deter traffic off the main road, allowing a clear path from the commuter lots to the dining hall. Ironically, the traffic of students in this area has made it difficult for cars to cross, thus failing to fix the problem.

Hok reporters have interviewed one Junior student (and self proclaimed club lacrosse superstar) Jack Tyler. Mr. Tyler has been sitting in his 2016 Honda Civic for “like a lot of fucking time” reports have confirmed. “These fucking kids keep coming” he remarked opening his signature mini number six Jersey Mike sub (mike’s way), “it takes a lot for a man not to close his eyes, clench the wheel, and plow through these kids”.

Students like this have become increasingly unsettled with the sheer amount of students that  make the journey across the open road from Rechnitz to the DH. While turning around is always an option, Jack has also stated that “it’s a move for pussies and art majors”.

The Hok has confirmed however there is a slim line between both distinctions.

School officials have yet to comment on this issue, but many students are doubtful any action will be efficient and useful. With SGA election being held, many have expressed concerns for the future, and urge something to be done.

One student advocate is a resident and future candidate for the Student Government Association, Dominick Trubb.  Under a strict policy of “making Monmouth great again”, Mr. Trubb has vowed to eliminate the flow of non-resident students into our beloved campus.

“We can build a wall” commented the SGA Presidential Candidate while articulating his speech with elaborate and vicious hand gestures. “We don’t need undocumented cars finding their way on this campus, they aren’t even registers with MUPD!”

 

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