The most successful people in Greek life should, and are, able to manage their time and day in the most according manner.
Follow this list of recommended activities so you too can become a SUCCESSFUL member of GREEK LIFE!
1. Wake Up!
Whether or not you’re in bed, your brother’s bed, a stranger’s bed, a basement floor, or outside the ex-girlfriend’s (who you love and miss so much ‘please come back Michele’…), all Greeks are destined to start their day. The time ranges from 8am through 12pm depending on the equation (Time=Jagerbomb^Keg-Jungle Juice).
Follow this simple procedure of getting your geed ass up and you’ll be a successful member of greek life in no time!
Regardless if you’re waking up to Suzy from last night it is your moral duty to pleasure yourself at least once a day. Boppin’ the bologna, Colonel Custer’s last stand, or slinging the snake, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s your hands doing the work.
You may find it difficult to produce depending on your night, but there are easy ways to increase your ability. Working around the clock in various conditions add to the thrill of this activity. In class, in the library, or even on the new members are key ways to benefit your body. Doing this will earn you the respect of the other Greek life members around you.
3. Hit the DH!
Successful fratters are able to pak on at least three pounds at the dining hall each day, and subsequently lose same to intestinal diarrhea later in the afternoon. A strict diet of red velvet ice cream, cookies, pizza, and grilled chicken is key for formatting your body for the day ahead, and the life you will be living. After packing on the weight, you can be proud to know you might single handily fuck over your vice president as his greek week shirt orders contain one XXXLG!
4. Get a fade!
Absolutely key to the abstract work of greek life. Besides letters, this is the only way you’re going to be noticed as a greek. Furthermore, it also does not include the til of letters scraping against your nipples during College Composition!
5. Health center visit!
Make sure your body is at its peak for the day and night ahead! While the health center might be the absolute worse place to go, it’s the only place willing to take the guy covered in puke with honey mustard on his face at three in the afternoon!
Tell them you’re having trouble staying awake – no class for you! Tell them you’re having trouble sleeping – new downers for your time on risk!
6. Binge Drink!
The wall of beer containers won’t decorate itself! Minimum,10 beers a day – no way around that. On your way to class look for at least two screwdrivers and maybe a swig of leftover jungle juice for lunch! This is made to prepare your body for just the right amount of consciousness you will need for your next lecture. Focus can be on the next chapter rather than your next paper.
You should never drink a can of ANYTHING regularly after you cross over. If you don’t shotgun it you’re a pussy. Doesn’t even matter if it’s a beer or Chef Boyardee.
7. Harass risk!
New guys or brothers, make sure those guys running the party fucking hate themselves, and hate you when the night is over! If there isn’t one fight, keg tap stealing, or pantry raid at your party, then you simply are a fucking nerd.
Make it your sole duty to accompany yourself on a ride home with the horniest or drunkest of acquaintances. If sperm and/or puke isn’t left in the driver’s car then that driver should be forced to drive for the next party!
8. Skip Chapter!
Self-explanatory, leave planning to E-board. It doesn’t take a committee to down Milwaukee’s best. You didn’t join greek life to listen to people’s ideas or problems.
9. Create tilled tee-shirts online during class!
Again, it’s not your job to learn. College was constructed by the government to contain adolescence in a brainwashing environment. Beat the fucking system, tone out, and find out how much the crest on the sleeve will be! You didn’t take your dad’s credit card to just buy textbooks, you did it to buy your little some fucking hats you geed.